Well, I am happy to say that I am quiet firmly beyond the physical symptoms of caffeine withdrawal. It is a humbling, scary experience to realize the pull something as “normal” as coffee has on your life. I would not like to tangle with a more difficult addiction. This one, a mild habit of only four or five years’ depth, was quite enough. That may sound wimpy, but I don’t mind. It’s true. Four days of sludge-like headache (exedrin has caffeine too) was quite enough.
So, will I go back to drinking coffee after Lent? Probably. I’m already getting very tired of decaffeinated tea. My goal, however, is to significantly decrease the amount of caffeine I drink. To be honest, I will probably go back to drinking regular coffee soon. I will strive for half-caf, though. I adore dark roast, and the only way to get dark roast half-caf is to blend it yourself. Somewhat more trouble than usual, but not beyond me, I should hope.
Three weeks and three days until Easter. I might just have a big ol’ bar of dark chocolate for breakfast, chased with espresso. Mmmm. I want. Yes, the physical symptoms are gone…now only the psychological ones remain. And here we come to the true meaning of Lenten sacrifice: the humbling of human desires before the coming of the Christ. May I crave God more than coffee, and look to Easter with anticipation stronger than is warranted by any food.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
On understanding God
Well, I’m somewhat glad I don’t. At least that’s how I feel most of the time. If God were small enough to be encompassed by my frail human understanding, then he’s not much of a God. I don’t want a God I can fold up and put in my wallet, convenient as that may seem sometimes. What’s the point of dedicating your entire life to something the size of a handkerchief? No thanks. If something is too easy, it’s not worth it. Give me a God so big and wild that I can barely understand even the parts of him I can see—not to mention the bits hiding around the bend. I have a knowledge of God deeper than understanding. I know that he is the ultimate Good. He loves me with unwavering fervor and I am his child, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus. Compared to that, a little lack of comprehension is peanuts.
This may sound quite simplistic. Well, I don’t care. And I do still have those days when I wonder what’s going on. I wonder where God is, and what he’s doing. I wonder why I don’t feel more connected to him at times. I do wish I understood at least a little more. And that’s ok--God wants his children to continually seek him. We are build to continually grow and expand out understanding. It’s for our own good and his glory.
And when I do have low moments, that’s usually about the time that I get in the car to go to work--and am smacked in the face with a beautiful sunrise. I don’t need to understand what makes a sunrise tick to realize that it is beautiful and awe inspiring.
This may sound quite simplistic. Well, I don’t care. And I do still have those days when I wonder what’s going on. I wonder where God is, and what he’s doing. I wonder why I don’t feel more connected to him at times. I do wish I understood at least a little more. And that’s ok--God wants his children to continually seek him. We are build to continually grow and expand out understanding. It’s for our own good and his glory.
And when I do have low moments, that’s usually about the time that I get in the car to go to work--and am smacked in the face with a beautiful sunrise. I don’t need to understand what makes a sunrise tick to realize that it is beautiful and awe inspiring.
Monday, February 18, 2008
evil pothole season
Well, I can tell that we're over halfway through winter over here in western Mich. How, you may ask?
Because half of the roads 'round my house have become pothole death traps. Between the manic-depressive freeze-thaw-freeze-thaw of the weather (with its accompanying snow-rain-snow-ice-snow) and the harshly scraping snowplows, hardly a clear patch of pavement remains, especially on older, previously patched pavement. Like the road I take to and from work.
When the roads are clear (a rarity), I can do a little fancy evasive maneuvering, but when they are coated in some combination of snow, slush, and ice, I dare not carom too wildly. Hitting a pothole is still better than spinning out and hitting oncoming traffic. Even if I do occasionally get surprised by a bad patch where none was before, where my teeth practically rattle and I pray over my suspension and tires.
It's an odd feeling when I realize that I'm glad for that rare variety of packed-down snow on the road that at least partially fills the potholes and turns that large-caliber machine gun feeling into a series of dull thumps.
If only they could pave in the winter. Alas! Well, it will be orange barrel season soon enough, and then we can all complain about that. Until then, Happy February! Only two more months of winter.
Because half of the roads 'round my house have become pothole death traps. Between the manic-depressive freeze-thaw-freeze-thaw of the weather (with its accompanying snow-rain-snow-ice-snow) and the harshly scraping snowplows, hardly a clear patch of pavement remains, especially on older, previously patched pavement. Like the road I take to and from work.
When the roads are clear (a rarity), I can do a little fancy evasive maneuvering, but when they are coated in some combination of snow, slush, and ice, I dare not carom too wildly. Hitting a pothole is still better than spinning out and hitting oncoming traffic. Even if I do occasionally get surprised by a bad patch where none was before, where my teeth practically rattle and I pray over my suspension and tires.
It's an odd feeling when I realize that I'm glad for that rare variety of packed-down snow on the road that at least partially fills the potholes and turns that large-caliber machine gun feeling into a series of dull thumps.
If only they could pave in the winter. Alas! Well, it will be orange barrel season soon enough, and then we can all complain about that. Until then, Happy February! Only two more months of winter.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Anti-Valentines Day
Well, I was going to let Valentines' Day slide by this year without harpooning it. But I just can't. It just seems like such a pointless holiday to me. So, over the last few years, I've taken to celebrating it somewhat differently. I make cookies. Lovely, heart shaped cookies with beautiful jewel-tone icing, pink and purple and teal and orange. And then I write mesages on them, like conversation hearts. Sweet, right?
Sort of. Here are a few of my cookies from last year...
My all-time favorite is "Not In A Million Years," but "Doofus" and "Pond Scum" rank pretty high as well.
Sort of. Here are a few of my cookies from last year...
My all-time favorite is "Not In A Million Years," but "Doofus" and "Pond Scum" rank pretty high as well.
Friday, February 8, 2008
coffeeeeeeeeeeeeee
So, it's been a while since I've posted. So sue me. Grouch grouch grouch. Grumble grumble grumble. Add one more small snarl and I'm done. There.
Well, in my own defense, things have been quite crazy-go-nuts at the office. No time for blogging breaks. Or inclination, generally. And just when things have been starting to settle down this week, I decided to make it a little more interesting.
This is my third day without any caffeine whatsoever. I must say, the incredible lethargy that attacked me Wednesday has gradually subsided into a dull headache today. Not once today have I found myself nodding, or my eyes spontaneously closing. It's a good day. I look forward to total freedom from physiological side effects by the end of the weekend. It is quite alarming to realize how dependent on caffeine my body had become. I drink coffee often--ok, every day--but not more than a cup...ok, usually two. But that doesn't seem extreme to me. Apparently, it was enough. I'm glad to break this habit now, instead of after drinking coffee for thirty years.
Yes, I really want coffee. And chocolate. Ah, yes, the secret weapon--no caffeine means no chocolate too. What's the reason for this self-denial? Why, Lent, of course. I wanted to go for something challenging this year. I wanted to deny myself something that had taken disproportionate importance in my life, to throw my focus back where it belongs--on God.
And boy, am I challenged already! I'm still waiting to start turning this challenge into something spiritually developing, something better than frantic prayers to stay awake at my desk. Perhaps I will manage that when the headache is gone.
One thing is sure, though. I'm not quitting. That would be pretty lame. To declare that some chemical substance like caffeine is more important to me than my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Nope. Not going to go there.
Will I go back to drinking coffee after Easter? Yes. At least, right now that sounds magnificent. Coffee and a big slab of bittersweet chocolate, that's what I'm having for breakfast on March 23rd. But I'm not going to think about now. No no no.
Well, in my own defense, things have been quite crazy-go-nuts at the office. No time for blogging breaks. Or inclination, generally. And just when things have been starting to settle down this week, I decided to make it a little more interesting.
This is my third day without any caffeine whatsoever. I must say, the incredible lethargy that attacked me Wednesday has gradually subsided into a dull headache today. Not once today have I found myself nodding, or my eyes spontaneously closing. It's a good day. I look forward to total freedom from physiological side effects by the end of the weekend. It is quite alarming to realize how dependent on caffeine my body had become. I drink coffee often--ok, every day--but not more than a cup...ok, usually two. But that doesn't seem extreme to me. Apparently, it was enough. I'm glad to break this habit now, instead of after drinking coffee for thirty years.
Yes, I really want coffee. And chocolate. Ah, yes, the secret weapon--no caffeine means no chocolate too. What's the reason for this self-denial? Why, Lent, of course. I wanted to go for something challenging this year. I wanted to deny myself something that had taken disproportionate importance in my life, to throw my focus back where it belongs--on God.
And boy, am I challenged already! I'm still waiting to start turning this challenge into something spiritually developing, something better than frantic prayers to stay awake at my desk. Perhaps I will manage that when the headache is gone.
One thing is sure, though. I'm not quitting. That would be pretty lame. To declare that some chemical substance like caffeine is more important to me than my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Nope. Not going to go there.
Will I go back to drinking coffee after Easter? Yes. At least, right now that sounds magnificent. Coffee and a big slab of bittersweet chocolate, that's what I'm having for breakfast on March 23rd. But I'm not going to think about now. No no no.
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