Richard Simmons's Legs

At the office, some of the girls have started a sort of workout video co-op. We all brought in one or two exercise videos or DVDs and created a bit of a lending library of fitness. Pure genius. Who wants to spend the money on buying untried workouts, especially when so many of them stink? And it is hard to keep doing the same workout weeks on end. It gets boring. So we swap.

Yesterday, feeling a bit humorous, I took home Richard Simmons’s Sweatin’ to the Oldies 2. Oh, yes. I knew it would be terrifically bad. But wicked curiosity got the better of me. And I figured it might still be a worthy workout, even if he scared me.

Oh, he scared me. And the workout was not so good. Not for me. Now, if I were gratuitously out of shape and hadn’t worked out in years, it might be a good place to start. And Richard is so distracting that you might be able to forget about your physical discomfort. Let me put it this way: we did sizzling jazz fingers in the warm-up. ‘Nuff said.

One thing about Richard, though, that I did admire was his legs. I want his legs. They were smoothly shiny (definitely waxed) and gloriously tan. They were trimly muscled and very sleek. Yeah, they were chick legs. And I want them. I should get a picture of them and pin it up next to my workout chart. For motivational purposes. The rest of his body, of course, will be cut off. I just want the legs.